i seem to be stuck in the same place. i just read all of my posts from the past year, and i seem to be in the same place Mentally, and Physically. I dont know why i havnt changed much but i do know that it really hasnt been all that long just a year some times alot happens sometimes it doesnt. i just really want to be ok.

dun dun dun i am cool just getting along. i need to stop thinking and just do thats all i have to say this time.

well idk i wish life were easier but you know thats the way it is. i really need to get my butt into gear but it is just sooo hard for me cause i am so afraid of what people will think about me. sometimes i will stay home when people want to do things with me cause i feel like i have eaten too much or i feel i have been letting myself go which sometimes i do it just sucks it really sucks cause i shouldnt feel this way but i do

god i hate how i don't know what i am going to do. cause when it happens i just get all confused and my head starts to hurt especially when people try to tell me what i should do. I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, but it is hard cause i dont exactly know how i am going to do it. What i really want is to pass all of it by and just be average let my life go to it's fullest extent and just be done cause i really hate just trying to pretend to be normal. sometimes i wish i could fast forward and skip all of it until i reach a point to were i can believe my life has a meaning

i'm doing ok so far i ran for a while today it felt good. i still need to work on the whole eating thing it is pretty hard, it's just all i think about food food food when am i gonna get it, what can i eat, how am i gonna eat it, how much can i eat, and so forth and so on. but other than that i am feeling pretty good i still wish i had someone in my life but i now know that it will never be more than what it is.
the smoking thing is hard too, i really need to quit but other than food it is also what i think about it is always substance substance substance for me everything else is done to pass the time until i can get to these substances. Social, economic,and educational things are always last. i am still fucked up in the head but only cause i made it that way, the only thing is, is that now i have to find a way to undo it all.

i am really going for a change around. i am going to start running again and i am going to eat healthy, well not healthy but in a healthy way. and drugs are bad this is something i need to come to grips with but it is really hard they are everywhere. i gotta try and get sexy hahaha jk wow i am talking to myself but whatever yeah it is the time of a new era and i will change i will survive

i think i have clinical depression. you see i have health and we are going over mental disorders, and iit says that if you have clinical depression you never feel happy or nothing makes you happy(you have no zest for life). i think i have this you see if you asked me if anything makes me happy i would come up with a blank i cant think of one thing that makes me happy. and it sucks i dont feel the need to do anything and if anything happens i just shrug it off my shoulders. i really need to take care of this i dont like it. i dont think i am bipolar anymore because i dont go to the extremes on both sides i am just kind of in the middle or lower at all times and it really bugs me and it affects me alot i dont feel normal at all:(

i am pretty happy with life right now. i am getting my licence this thursday(yesss) that i am pretty exited about(especially since i am finnally getting the hang of my truck). No girls at the moment but i am okay with that(sort of). i really need a hobby but i can't do much cause i don't have a job, but that will change once i start driving. i kind of want to start boxing i think that would be a fun thing, or maybe i could just buy more equipment to work out with, or i could even start up a band again since i would have transportation. yeah life is alright i guess :)

yep so i am doing it the same i am surprised she actually didn't expect it.
i am pretty confident right now. although i need to straighten out my priorities.
school is the biggest but i still blow it off that is the biggest thing i need to work on . you see(once again i diagnose myself) i always look into the future and anticipate it too much i have trouble living in the here and now which i need to do because if i dont i will just be setting myself up for failure

we all have limited time to do unlimited things
our choices are wide and decisions are hard
and then we make it harder
it is true that we all have a place
but that place is so unknown
that when you finally get there
you will ask yourself
How the hell did this happen?
what did i do to get myself here?